Worry & Stress Don't Make You Pretty

"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands."

- Elisabeth Elliot

 I'm in a strange period of waiting right now (when are things never "strange" though?). I've been married almost two months and it has been amazing, we've moved to Omaha into a cozy apartment that is slowly becoming home-y, and we're getting into the swing of life without school and with big adult responsibilities. He has been quite liking his job, and I have been... home a lot. You see, I have technically been hired since mid-July, but then there was the wedding (and the fact that I didn't even live in the state of the job until August/September), and then honeymoon and a family thing in Canada. I had to take some classes for this job to get fully certified and understood that once I did that, I would be good to go and get matched up to care for a family! Just kidding.... There was more paperwork on the company's end to get together and apparently that has been taking longer than expected. And that's where the waiting and restlessness and impatience come in. Sense a theme?

A new place, no friends (physically present) except for my husband (and he's awesome!), and no work to occupy my time or make me feel useful. In the beginning this "extra summer" was nice. I had time to unpack and settle us into our new apartment while he was at work, and I had time to relax and NOT plan a wedding. But that relaxing slowly turned into boredom and impatience and a little bit of loneliness.

But...

a Facebook friend from Asbury, Natalie, recently shared that quote from Elisabeth Elliot and it absolutely struck me to the core. I shared it on my own page and then later that same day I put it on my desktop background of my computer. I wanted to read those words until they were tattooed on my heart, because that made all my complaining and restless smack me upside the head, and then I realized that I CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING by being restless and impatient.

Nope, not a single thing.

I read this quote daily lately, and often more than once a day. Each time I read it, it feels new. Which is good because then it feels fresh and strikes me new each time, but it is also bad because then is it truly sticking with me? Do I just like the fancy idea of it, or do I truly believe that there is peace and joy in Christ? I do believe there is peace and joy in Christ. The issue comes in as matter of whether I let Him be in control or not. My "control" means chaos; His control means exactly as the word says: control. He has things under complete control.

I'm reminded of another favorite quote of mine that is from Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love:

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief ... and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”

Worry and stress reek of arrogance. Reek. Do you want to smell bad? Worry and stress don't make us any better, any prettier, any richer, any more successful or anything! Worry and stress only destroy and deteriorate, just as Elisabeth Elliot said that restlessness and impatience only change our peace and joy. It turns our peace and joy into a pile of rubble, into reeking rubble of arrogance. That is prideful, my friends, and it gets you no where.

The Lord has been asking me to step down from my pride and arrogance. He has been asking me to take His hand and let Him pull me up out of the reeking pile of rubble I'm sitting in as I wait impatiently for "my life to change." This is a job that will make me feel useful and like I am making a difference. I'll get to care for children with special needs, and help families who need the rest I have been taking for granted. I think God is telling me that I need step out of the pride that tells me that my worth is there, and not here, alone in my apartment with my God. He is asking me to find peace and rest and assurance and companionship with Him. Only Him. He says, "Come here, I will satisfy you. Just take my hand and sit with Me for while."

So He gives me this incredible offer to be with Him and have everything I need. But what do I do? I seek peace in the "outward things." I clean, I set up the apartment, I sleep in, I call family and friends who live far away, I play video games, I read, I watch tv shows (homework free!) with my husband, and I keep worrying about what I'll do tomorrow and where the money will come from and how I'll ever make a difference in people's lives if I don't ever leave my apartment. I begin to doubt that I am qualified for this job. My body is rested, but my soul is restless, and I know I wasn't made to be like this.

I forget that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He has all things safely in His hands. ALL things. 

And He wants to be the love of my life, the One who satisfies me completely, whether I have all worldly things I desire or nothing at all... He wants me. He is the One who holds me together, who knows what is in store for me, and who created me to make a difference in this world... in His way, in His timing. 

In Christ, there is no room for worry, stress, restlessness, and impatience. There is only room for trust, love, relationship, peace, joy... and so, so much more. In the midst of confusion and restlessness, he brings unexplainable peace and joy. What. A. Savior. 

Please, take a note from me and act now. Spend time with Jesus. Don't let the foxes in the vineyard steal your joy. 

[Here's one of my favorite songs by Audrey Assad]:

Restless by Audrey Assad

The Things We Make Homes Out Of

Sometimes you don't figure out that somewhere has been home until you have left it. 

When you're driving or flying away to a place that you think is more home is often when you realize that the road or sky you're traveling through is really the home you're more familiar with. When you're somewhere else, you realize that where you are is even less home than where you came from. The problem is that even though you're always searching for the "right" answer to "where is home?" it's a question that can never be honestly answered correctly the same way twice. Home is a constantly evolving place/feeling/smell/taste/sound/memory. Fill in the blank as you please.

Sometimes home can be a person.  This is a home that is - for a moment - secure, happy, and everything you could ever dream a home to be. It has the red couches you've pictured and the bay window that looks out to the sea. It has shelves full of books you hope someday to read. But if you make a home out of a person, then you're sinking alongside the man who built his house on the sand. You're asking for it to crumble, you're asking for unsteadiness and fast sinking dreams. People change, people have needs, and people move away. If you make a home out of a person, you'll forget where you came from and who you were before you moved in. You can't cling to that kind of a home forever.

Sometimes home can be a routine. It's a place where you have a schedule and are expected to get things done on a deadline. But that's like asking home to be something you can place on a calendar for every day of the week. It's like asking home to be something consistent and predictable. But anyone who has ever tried to have a home knows that plumbing gets damaged, windows get cracked, and the creaky wooden stairs eventually drive you up the walls. Repairs are necessary, funds are hard to come across, and at times you have to decide whether you'll keep it up and work hard or pack up and move on. You can't expect this house to stand forever.

Sometimes you can make a home out of a memory. This is the kind of home that can exist in a place no matter how large or small. This kind of home exists in your heart and your mind. This home is often shared with one or more other residents, but when asked for details, the residents will remember different pictures on the fridge and varied shades of blue on the bathroom walls. It's a shared home, but not really shared at all. Time is absent in this home and the homeowner of this place really only keeps paying the rent in order to go back to smell that mix of sappy nostalgia and naive bliss. This the home that looks perfect in pictures, but when visited years later the owner realizes that it's not what it once was. Walls are rotted and colors on the walls aren't as bright as they used to be. Often this home moves on without its resident or any sort of consent. This home slowly changes and, in a bittersweet way, fades without warning. This home says goodbye long before the resident realizes it is gone. Your memory can't hold this home together forever.

But, if you make a home out of a future, out of a hope, and out of the things that God promises, you willl realize sooner or later that home is not what you previously thought it ought to be. Your definition of home will be entirely flipped around. It will be something to rejoice in, not feel bitter about. You will realize that "where is home?" and "where are you from?" are actually quite ridiculous questions, and think that perhaps we should be asking "where is your final destination?" and then pray for a heavenly answer. You will realize that when you make a home out of anything past or present that it is often not there by the time you get back to it. 

I think there is a certain kind of strength in calling more than one place "home." There's a boldness in saying, "right here is home and after I drive 500 miles across the country or fly for 32 hours, I will be home then, too." There is a willingness to grow and accept change that comes from speaking those words and knowing that a home doesn't have to be a place with four walls that boxes you in and keeps you still and contained. Rather, in allowing "home" to be more places than one, you allow yourself freedom to roam. You allow yourself opportunity to realize the blessing it is that earth was not made to be our home. And Lord willing, you will find yourself in heaven one day and never have to call anywhere else Home ever again. You were made to call heaven your permanent Home, and the heavenly Father has a room waiting for you. You can make a Home out of God's promise of forever.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14: 1 - 4 (NIV)

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20 (NIV)

A Conversation About Your Heart

Take a look at yourself.
Listen to the voices in your head.

What do you see? 

What do you hear? 

Do you see your Maker?

Do you hear His voice?

Let him speak. 

Listen to Him sing over you. He sings songs of 

peace,

love, 

and purifying forgiveness.

He says, "I love you."

He says, "Do not worry."

Do you love Him? 

Does your heart yearn for Him?

Do you ache for His touch?

Do you fear being far from Him?

He has never left you.

He has promised that He will never ever leave your side.

Do you hear that? 

Never. 

Leave.

  You.

Even in His anger, His jealousy, and His wrath...

the God of everything has 

mercy,

grace,

and love everlasting.

He never breaks His promise. 

He always loves you. 

It's not about what you have done.

It's not about anything you could ever say. 

He loves you simply because He loves you. 

He knows every part of you. He knows all your 

fears,

passions,

and deepest, darkest hurts.

He is the crafter of your heart;

The very heart that beats inside of you which keeps you

 b r e a t h i n g, 

m o v i n g,

l i v i n g.

He desires your heart. But it's your choice to love him.

It's your choice to let him   f l i p   your whole world upside down. 

It's your choice to step into the best adventure of your life. 

He gives you life, identity, and love in all the purest forms.

When you seek these things elsewhere, you find them  i n c o m p l e t e.

But God holds all things in their proper time and place. 

He holds you in the proper place. 

He desires to use you for what you were created to do. 

He desires to draw out your passions and use you to 

                                       change

                                                             the 

                                                                                world.

Let the Holy Spirit move you to compassion. 

You are precious.

You are treasured.

You are valued.

And you make a difference. 

                                                                   Do you believe that?

Do you see what God has done for you?

He has redeemed you. 

He has given you freedom. 

He has taught you what Love is, and shown you how to live Love. 

Let Him move you. 

Let what He has done for you reflect onto others.

Love, because he first loved you. 

{1 John 4:19}

Choosing to Commit

With no job and no where to [officially] live once I moved out of the dorms, I was left during finals week to rely completely and entirely on God for His provision in my life for the summer. Everything was either completely unknown or a work in progress. But the Lord kept reminding me of His everlasting faithfulness. He repeatedly told me that he wants good, protection, and growth for me. Today, over a month later, I have complete housing, two internships, a counseling position at the MK Reentry camp in July, and plenty of babysitting jobs to get me through the summer. God is good. And even if I had not been given all these things, He still would remain good and faithful and I would still trust Him with my life. 

But here comes the beginning of it all. Last week I started my very first internship in Public Relations and Admissions. This is what I have been learning and preparing myself in for years, but the night before my first day on the job, I began to feel anxious. I had anxiety that I would not be what they expected and that I would not be able to do what they need me to do. But God, in His all-knowing goodness, kept placing peace in my life. There was a specific verse that kept coming into my thoughts in every moment of the next few days, which was this:

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, 

and your plans will succeed."

Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)

It is a simple sentence. It is not a lengthy paragraph explaining every thing one must do in order to succeed. It is not a speech given only to those who know every thing that they want, nor is it just for those who need direction. It is a simple calling from God that we just come to Him, and commit every thing that we have, are, and ever will be to him. Success through God when we commit our all to him may not look like the success we imagine or believe we need. God's definition of success is a little (or sometimes a lot) different than we imagine for ourselves, but it is always - and I mean always - better. 

"Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; 

God probes for what is good." 

Proverbs 16:2 (MSG)

So when Proverbs 16:3 kept coming back to me when ever I would feel the least bit anxious, I finally sat down and prayed to God about it. I committed my summer, my passions, my internships, my relationships, and everything I could think of, to God. I told him that His way is better than my way, and asked him to remind me of that whenever I began to think differently. ;) And here I am, committing all of my summer duties to God, trusting that He will lead, guide, and provide for me. Also trusting that he knows what is best for for me and what I am capable of. God knows beyond my awareness what I can do with my life, so I am choosing to trust.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord."

Isaiah 55:8 (NIV)

I can have expectations and plans in my head. I can have dreams, and I can think that I know what is best. God created us to be thinkers, dreamers, and difference makers. But if our desires are not lined up with the desires and heart of God, then that just seems like a waste. God knows the big picture, and I think I would rather let Him guide me than try to run through this crazy course of life all by my own rules and directions. 

"To man belong the plans of the heart,

 but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue."

Proverbs 16:1 (NIV)

Another thing I am choosing to do is to thank God for my unanswered prayers. To me, unanswered prayers mean one of two things:

1. I prayed and begged God for something that I really did not need, but thought I surely did, and He protected me from what I did not know would be harmful to me. Or...
2. He has yet to answer my prayer because he knows the better time for it, and he sees the big picture and how what I have asked for will fill my life for His glory in His perfect timing. 

Praise God that he knows all and holds all in his hands! I would be a shipwrecked mess without my Savior telling me "no" or giving me grace where I fall short. 

"Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it.

 Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." 

Matthew 11:29 (MSG)

Take the "easy"route to proper success and give God your all. If you are truly in Christ, you will thrive through His glories, but you will also suffer for a worthy cause. It is all worth it, I promise you. 

So That I May Live.

Have you ever thought about the cross?

Christ died a shameful death - the MOST shameful death possible for that time and culture. He died a death on a cross. Two planks of wood were stood up, nails were sent through his hands and feet and he was stuck on the cross and hung there to die. Not only did he endure that [for us], but he also endured mocking, betrayal, being stripped of his clothing, being yelled at, and being provoked. The soldiers disgraced him immensely and the disciples denied him. And what did Jesus do while they did all of that to him?  He let them move him as they pleased. He let them kick him and whip him and call him mocking names. They tried their hardest to provoke him to anger and to lashing out against them. Yet, he did nothing but pray for them.

When I read the passages about the crucifixion, I want to yell at Jesus and scream at him, "Say something! Do something! Tell them what this means! Explain who you are!" But he doesn't do that. He stays completely silent and accepts their beatings and their wretchedness. And when he finally does speak, he tells the women not to weep for him (Luke 23:28). The second time it is recorded of him speaking, he is hanging on the cross and all is he says is, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing."(Luke 23:34)

Wow. Just wow. Let that blow your mind. It blows my mind. He is so humble. I see him as absolutely overcome with grief that he can't say a single word to them. Have you ever felt that feeling? You're so upset and heartbroken about something, and then the most agitating, annoying thing that would make you lash out any other day happens and you can't even muster up the ability to respond to it. You just are so overcome with sadness that you can't respond. I imagine Christ felt that way during the crucifixion. He was so overcome with sadness. He must have thought, "they don't understand what they are doing, and they don't understand what I am going to do for them." He had pity on them. He was grieved for the sins they were committing. But he also knew that he had to do this task, dying on the cross for all sins, in order to carry out God's plan.

He knew the purpose for which he was to suffer, and he knew he would rise up again, defeating death for ever. He makes a statement toward this during the Last Supper as he ate with the disciples. "When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table. And he said to them, 'I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God...This is my body, given for you; do this in remembrance of me...this cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you,'" (Luke 22:14, 19, 20). I imagine the disciples thought Jesus was talking crazy talk. Body? Blood? Kingdom? Jesus, where are you going? How long will you be gone? Suffer?

But you know what else I believe he felt alongside all the grief? Joy. I genuinely believe with all my heart that through all of this, Jesus felt inexplicable joy for what was coming. He knew that the people would gradually begin to understand who he is and what his purpose is for being there. They would see him die, and three days later they would find an empty tomb. And that empty tomb would mean that this man that they learned to love, follow, and admire for years was back and he was going to be with them for a much longer time.

This is not a simple concept to take in. Here we are thousands of years later and we still can't completely fathom that God sent his son to become a man, live this human life, be tempted beyond what most of us can bare, teach boldly to people who wanted nothing to do with him, and then be crucified for something he was not even guilty of doing. Those who knew Jesus and saw all of this first-hand could hardly believe it. And yet, it is historical truth. We believe it because we have faith that God is a good God and that he loves us so much that he did do exactly what I just spoke of. This is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of believing. Our Savior is risen! He defeated death! Because he lives, we too can have life and have it to the full.

Christ died on the cross so that I may live. He wore those chains and took the mocking because he knew that someday I would be sitting on the bleachers in the rain, in the middle of the night, and I would look up at the Wilmore water tank cross as it glows in the sky, and I would tell him the story of his crucifixion and it would compel me to write this to you as I freeze. (And a year later, to finally write the rest of this and actually post it for you to read!) He died so that I may live a life that leads others to him. If he had never done that, none of us would be here today, and none of us would see the true glory of God's incredible all-encompassing love.

"'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 15: 55-57 (NIV)

God bless & Happy Easter to you all :) 

That Typical Sophomore Year Blog Post

Senior year was an exciting stage of my life. I remember feeling so ready to grow up and get out into a new part of the world and explore all that God would have in store for me. I remember feeling so small, but so big at the same time. I remember the beginning of senior year feeling like there was no way I was old enough to be going off to college, and by the end of the school year when graduation hit, I could look in the mirror and see someone who was maybe almost old enough to embrace the college world. I know it is over-used to say this, but it feels like just yesterday that I was sitting by my grandparent's pool in New Jersey talking to my cousin Jason and hearing about Asbury for the first time. God told me that same day after a phone call that this was the school where he wanted me at - and he never stopped giving me more and more confirmation about just that.

Now, I am in the midst of week three of classes of my sophomore year. God has changed me in the last year and half, that's for sure. I walked on to campus here for the first time ever last August on move-in day. I had never seen the brick walls of Asbury's campus or even set foot in Kentucky until the week of intercultural freshman orientation. I remember the quick beating of my heart as I saw the sign for Wilmore and began to feel nervous and anxious about all that was before me. If you jump a couple months forward, you see me with my friends at dinner time laughing and squishing as close as possible at the round tables in the cafeteria as we try to fit as many people as possible. You see me and a couple of my closest girl friends talking and crying together until five in the morning about what God is doing in our lives. You see me frantically making shopping lists and calling and texting people for help to set up events that I planned for my committee on the Student Activities Board for Asbury Student Congress. You see me knowing where my classes are and talking about professors like I have known them for years. It was a quick transition from high school to college and as fun as it was, I do not wish to do it all over again.

I have loved my college experience so far. I have thrived off of the social interactions and community events on a college campus such as Asbury. I have slowly learned how to take advantage of the benefits of living in America for more than six weeks at a time. My friends have been sifted and shoved and bounced all over the place - and other friends have stuck loyally by my side and we have grown together immensely. God has done wonders in my life since arriving at Asbury a little over a year ago. He has carried me through a somewhat expected roommate change, He has guided my path through various leadership roles, and He has taught me how to appreciate the way my parents raised me even more than I ever realized. Most people go to college for an academic education, but I have gotten that and much, much more. I have gotten life lessons, forgiveness, trust, a stronger faith in God, incredible relationships, a thriving social environment, new passions ignited, gained interest in knowledge on topics that I did not even know would interest me, and a whole lot of culture change.

As I was approaching my graduation from high school I knew I was excited about what college would be like, but I can't say I could have predicted any of the things that I experienced over the last year. If you talked to me my junior year of high school you would have heard my whole speech about not wanting to go to college, not feeling a "need" to go "if I didn't even know what I wanted to do", and you would have heard me say that college is just "not my thing." But God had another plan up his sleeve, and He knew that I was not about to miss out on what Asbury had in store for me. He inspired me to go after Asbury and study PR. He lit my path in a way that I could not say no to it. It was too beautiful, it was too filled with God's promises, that I would have been a fool to say no. And I am so glad I said yes.

College can really change you a lot if you allow it to. And I don't think you can even prepare yourself for it - no matter how hard you try. But never let your plans for your life get in the way of seeing what plans God has for you when you're willing to let go of your own.

The Only Thing I Can Truly Boast About

I am just going to be honestly blunt here: I woke up cranky and uninspired this morning. I found a way to make the smallest things into the "worst day ever" speech and I did not feel like doing anything for anybody. This morning was about me and how cranky I was and how much I did not want to do anything or be anything for anybody else. And even though I knew I was being wrong and sinful and selfish about everything in my attitude this morning, I did not want to give it up and fix myself. Pride got in the way, and I wanted my day to go as I wanted it to. Well, God had different plans. He had plans to give me a different attitude.

I spent over half of my day with this attitude - a cranky mood and a selfish heart. I do this thing where my stubbornness takes over (quite often) and when I am in a bad mood I just want to stay in that bad mood because I do not want someone to come in and fix me. Even if I'm wrong, I'm right because it's what I am choosing to be right now. It's ridiculous, I know. It's a problem.

I finally started to realize my need to humble myself by about half way through the day. I work in the library processing the books that go onto the shelves. It's a pretty mindless job, and I like it because it's productive but also gives me an hour or two every day where I can just sit and think or listen to music and relax. I don't have to worry about much when I'm working, but I also end up thinking about a lot at work because of the relaxed and quiet environment. At work is where I do a lot of my heart checks with God. Today was one of those days that I just wanted to zone out into my music and not think and not analyze myself. But even through my attempt to block out the world, God gave me Colossians 3:23 which says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men," and I just kept hearing those words being repeated over and over. I couldn't shake them away. God was seeping through my walls and telling me I needed a change of heart.

I began to look at how my day had gone up until that point. What was I doing (or not doing), and who was it for? I was not doing much, and whatever I did do I was doing for myself. Not quite the answer I should have had. I will not say I am proud of that answer. But it was a necessary realization of the kind of person I was being today - and that is not someone that I want to be. A few verses down in Colossians 4:5-6 Paul says, "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Wow, can you say conviction? What was every one seeing in me today? Was I being a true ambassador of Christ or was I an embarrassment to His name today? I don't think I was shining Jesus a whole lot this morning to be honest.

I was reminded then of the prayer my friend Emily prayed for me this morning in our InReach meeting. She prayed for me as a leader, and one thing she mentioned was that I had evident joy, and she prayed that my joy would spread to others. Where was that joy today? What was I spreading if I wasn't spreading joy? I'm afraid to see the results of what I was sending out today. I regret the moments I let go by where I missed a chance to spread God's love and the joy that only He can give. It wasn't just that I was being cranky and I believe that joy and happiness are a different thing, though they do often come together. It was more a matter of I wasn't being Christ-like at all, and I believe that when I am in Christ are the days when His joy is most evident in my life and that's where He uses me in my daily life. My selfishness and stubbornness got in the way of me being open to God using me today, and that's not how I want to live my life at all.

I am a spiritual leader on my hall in my dorm this year, and our theme is about sin and redemption (to put it plainly). I shared on Tuesday about the beast within each of us and how our sin makes us beasts. In God's plan to continue to humble me, He gave me a challenge. The beast in me was evident today, and I am ashamed to admit that, but I am not ashamed to admit that I have a Savior who died on the cross for me in all my gritty stubborn ugly beastliness so that I could be better than the beast that I naturally become in my sin. I have a God who wants more for me than who I am today, but loves me still, and He is relentless in His love for me. His love is a special love that changes me in my ugliest moments, and of that I will never be ashamed. As Paul clearly and boldly put it in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me," I will boast in God's grace and power because aside from that I am no good. God had been knocking and yelling at me and tapping my shoulder patiently the whole morning saying, "Amelia... look at yourself. You're not doing today right." And I am so thankful for a God who is persistent and patient when it comes to my stubborn selfishness. I need someone who won't give up on me, and He has always done that for me. I would be lost without a God who is loving and patient.