Worry & Stress Don't Make You Pretty

"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands."

- Elisabeth Elliot

 I'm in a strange period of waiting right now (when are things never "strange" though?). I've been married almost two months and it has been amazing, we've moved to Omaha into a cozy apartment that is slowly becoming home-y, and we're getting into the swing of life without school and with big adult responsibilities. He has been quite liking his job, and I have been... home a lot. You see, I have technically been hired since mid-July, but then there was the wedding (and the fact that I didn't even live in the state of the job until August/September), and then honeymoon and a family thing in Canada. I had to take some classes for this job to get fully certified and understood that once I did that, I would be good to go and get matched up to care for a family! Just kidding.... There was more paperwork on the company's end to get together and apparently that has been taking longer than expected. And that's where the waiting and restlessness and impatience come in. Sense a theme?

A new place, no friends (physically present) except for my husband (and he's awesome!), and no work to occupy my time or make me feel useful. In the beginning this "extra summer" was nice. I had time to unpack and settle us into our new apartment while he was at work, and I had time to relax and NOT plan a wedding. But that relaxing slowly turned into boredom and impatience and a little bit of loneliness.

But...

a Facebook friend from Asbury, Natalie, recently shared that quote from Elisabeth Elliot and it absolutely struck me to the core. I shared it on my own page and then later that same day I put it on my desktop background of my computer. I wanted to read those words until they were tattooed on my heart, because that made all my complaining and restless smack me upside the head, and then I realized that I CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING by being restless and impatient.

Nope, not a single thing.

I read this quote daily lately, and often more than once a day. Each time I read it, it feels new. Which is good because then it feels fresh and strikes me new each time, but it is also bad because then is it truly sticking with me? Do I just like the fancy idea of it, or do I truly believe that there is peace and joy in Christ? I do believe there is peace and joy in Christ. The issue comes in as matter of whether I let Him be in control or not. My "control" means chaos; His control means exactly as the word says: control. He has things under complete control.

I'm reminded of another favorite quote of mine that is from Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love:

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief ... and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”

Worry and stress reek of arrogance. Reek. Do you want to smell bad? Worry and stress don't make us any better, any prettier, any richer, any more successful or anything! Worry and stress only destroy and deteriorate, just as Elisabeth Elliot said that restlessness and impatience only change our peace and joy. It turns our peace and joy into a pile of rubble, into reeking rubble of arrogance. That is prideful, my friends, and it gets you no where.

The Lord has been asking me to step down from my pride and arrogance. He has been asking me to take His hand and let Him pull me up out of the reeking pile of rubble I'm sitting in as I wait impatiently for "my life to change." This is a job that will make me feel useful and like I am making a difference. I'll get to care for children with special needs, and help families who need the rest I have been taking for granted. I think God is telling me that I need step out of the pride that tells me that my worth is there, and not here, alone in my apartment with my God. He is asking me to find peace and rest and assurance and companionship with Him. Only Him. He says, "Come here, I will satisfy you. Just take my hand and sit with Me for while."

So He gives me this incredible offer to be with Him and have everything I need. But what do I do? I seek peace in the "outward things." I clean, I set up the apartment, I sleep in, I call family and friends who live far away, I play video games, I read, I watch tv shows (homework free!) with my husband, and I keep worrying about what I'll do tomorrow and where the money will come from and how I'll ever make a difference in people's lives if I don't ever leave my apartment. I begin to doubt that I am qualified for this job. My body is rested, but my soul is restless, and I know I wasn't made to be like this.

I forget that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He has all things safely in His hands. ALL things. 

And He wants to be the love of my life, the One who satisfies me completely, whether I have all worldly things I desire or nothing at all... He wants me. He is the One who holds me together, who knows what is in store for me, and who created me to make a difference in this world... in His way, in His timing. 

In Christ, there is no room for worry, stress, restlessness, and impatience. There is only room for trust, love, relationship, peace, joy... and so, so much more. In the midst of confusion and restlessness, he brings unexplainable peace and joy. What. A. Savior. 

Please, take a note from me and act now. Spend time with Jesus. Don't let the foxes in the vineyard steal your joy. 

[Here's one of my favorite songs by Audrey Assad]:

Restless by Audrey Assad

The Things We Make Homes Out Of

Sometimes you don't figure out that somewhere has been home until you have left it. 

When you're driving or flying away to a place that you think is more home is often when you realize that the road or sky you're traveling through is really the home you're more familiar with. When you're somewhere else, you realize that where you are is even less home than where you came from. The problem is that even though you're always searching for the "right" answer to "where is home?" it's a question that can never be honestly answered correctly the same way twice. Home is a constantly evolving place/feeling/smell/taste/sound/memory. Fill in the blank as you please.

Sometimes home can be a person.  This is a home that is - for a moment - secure, happy, and everything you could ever dream a home to be. It has the red couches you've pictured and the bay window that looks out to the sea. It has shelves full of books you hope someday to read. But if you make a home out of a person, then you're sinking alongside the man who built his house on the sand. You're asking for it to crumble, you're asking for unsteadiness and fast sinking dreams. People change, people have needs, and people move away. If you make a home out of a person, you'll forget where you came from and who you were before you moved in. You can't cling to that kind of a home forever.

Sometimes home can be a routine. It's a place where you have a schedule and are expected to get things done on a deadline. But that's like asking home to be something you can place on a calendar for every day of the week. It's like asking home to be something consistent and predictable. But anyone who has ever tried to have a home knows that plumbing gets damaged, windows get cracked, and the creaky wooden stairs eventually drive you up the walls. Repairs are necessary, funds are hard to come across, and at times you have to decide whether you'll keep it up and work hard or pack up and move on. You can't expect this house to stand forever.

Sometimes you can make a home out of a memory. This is the kind of home that can exist in a place no matter how large or small. This kind of home exists in your heart and your mind. This home is often shared with one or more other residents, but when asked for details, the residents will remember different pictures on the fridge and varied shades of blue on the bathroom walls. It's a shared home, but not really shared at all. Time is absent in this home and the homeowner of this place really only keeps paying the rent in order to go back to smell that mix of sappy nostalgia and naive bliss. This the home that looks perfect in pictures, but when visited years later the owner realizes that it's not what it once was. Walls are rotted and colors on the walls aren't as bright as they used to be. Often this home moves on without its resident or any sort of consent. This home slowly changes and, in a bittersweet way, fades without warning. This home says goodbye long before the resident realizes it is gone. Your memory can't hold this home together forever.

But, if you make a home out of a future, out of a hope, and out of the things that God promises, you willl realize sooner or later that home is not what you previously thought it ought to be. Your definition of home will be entirely flipped around. It will be something to rejoice in, not feel bitter about. You will realize that "where is home?" and "where are you from?" are actually quite ridiculous questions, and think that perhaps we should be asking "where is your final destination?" and then pray for a heavenly answer. You will realize that when you make a home out of anything past or present that it is often not there by the time you get back to it. 

I think there is a certain kind of strength in calling more than one place "home." There's a boldness in saying, "right here is home and after I drive 500 miles across the country or fly for 32 hours, I will be home then, too." There is a willingness to grow and accept change that comes from speaking those words and knowing that a home doesn't have to be a place with four walls that boxes you in and keeps you still and contained. Rather, in allowing "home" to be more places than one, you allow yourself freedom to roam. You allow yourself opportunity to realize the blessing it is that earth was not made to be our home. And Lord willing, you will find yourself in heaven one day and never have to call anywhere else Home ever again. You were made to call heaven your permanent Home, and the heavenly Father has a room waiting for you. You can make a Home out of God's promise of forever.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14: 1 - 4 (NIV)

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20 (NIV)

A Conversation About Your Heart

Take a look at yourself.
Listen to the voices in your head.

What do you see? 

What do you hear? 

Do you see your Maker?

Do you hear His voice?

Let him speak. 

Listen to Him sing over you. He sings songs of 

peace,

love, 

and purifying forgiveness.

He says, "I love you."

He says, "Do not worry."

Do you love Him? 

Does your heart yearn for Him?

Do you ache for His touch?

Do you fear being far from Him?

He has never left you.

He has promised that He will never ever leave your side.

Do you hear that? 

Never. 

Leave.

  You.

Even in His anger, His jealousy, and His wrath...

the God of everything has 

mercy,

grace,

and love everlasting.

He never breaks His promise. 

He always loves you. 

It's not about what you have done.

It's not about anything you could ever say. 

He loves you simply because He loves you. 

He knows every part of you. He knows all your 

fears,

passions,

and deepest, darkest hurts.

He is the crafter of your heart;

The very heart that beats inside of you which keeps you

 b r e a t h i n g, 

m o v i n g,

l i v i n g.

He desires your heart. But it's your choice to love him.

It's your choice to let him   f l i p   your whole world upside down. 

It's your choice to step into the best adventure of your life. 

He gives you life, identity, and love in all the purest forms.

When you seek these things elsewhere, you find them  i n c o m p l e t e.

But God holds all things in their proper time and place. 

He holds you in the proper place. 

He desires to use you for what you were created to do. 

He desires to draw out your passions and use you to 

                                       change

                                                             the 

                                                                                world.

Let the Holy Spirit move you to compassion. 

You are precious.

You are treasured.

You are valued.

And you make a difference. 

                                                                   Do you believe that?

Do you see what God has done for you?

He has redeemed you. 

He has given you freedom. 

He has taught you what Love is, and shown you how to live Love. 

Let Him move you. 

Let what He has done for you reflect onto others.

Love, because he first loved you. 

{1 John 4:19}