"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands."- Elisabeth Elliot
I'm in a strange period of waiting right now (when are things never "strange" though?). I've been married almost two months and it has been amazing, we've moved to Omaha into a cozy apartment that is slowly becoming home-y, and we're getting into the swing of life without school and with big adult responsibilities. He has been quite liking his job, and I have been... home a lot. You see, I have technically been hired since mid-July, but then there was the wedding (and the fact that I didn't even live in the state of the job until August/September), and then honeymoon and a family thing in Canada. I had to take some classes for this job to get fully certified and understood that once I did that, I would be good to go and get matched up to care for a family! Just kidding.... There was more paperwork on the company's end to get together and apparently that has been taking longer than expected. And that's where the waiting and restlessness and impatience come in. Sense a theme?
A new place, no friends (physically present) except for my husband (and he's awesome!), and no work to occupy my time or make me feel useful. In the beginning this "extra summer" was nice. I had time to unpack and settle us into our new apartment while he was at work, and I had time to relax and NOT plan a wedding. But that relaxing slowly turned into boredom and impatience and a little bit of loneliness.
But...
a Facebook friend from Asbury, Natalie, recently shared that quote from Elisabeth Elliot and it absolutely struck me to the core. I shared it on my own page and then later that same day I put it on my desktop background of my computer. I wanted to read those words until they were tattooed on my heart, because that made all my complaining and restless smack me upside the head, and then I realized that I CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING by being restless and impatient.
Nope, not a single thing.
I read this quote daily lately, and often more than once a day. Each time I read it, it feels new. Which is good because then it feels fresh and strikes me new each time, but it is also bad because then is it truly sticking with me? Do I just like the fancy idea of it, or do I truly believe that there is peace and joy in Christ? I do believe there is peace and joy in Christ. The issue comes in as matter of whether I let Him be in control or not. My "control" means chaos; His control means exactly as the word says: control. He has things under complete control.
I'm reminded of another favorite quote of mine that is from Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love:
"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief ... and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”Worry and stress reek of arrogance. Reek. Do you want to smell bad? Worry and stress don't make us any better, any prettier, any richer, any more successful or anything! Worry and stress only destroy and deteriorate, just as Elisabeth Elliot said that restlessness and impatience only change our peace and joy. It turns our peace and joy into a pile of rubble, into reeking rubble of arrogance. That is prideful, my friends, and it gets you no where.
The Lord has been asking me to step down from my pride and arrogance. He has been asking me to take His hand and let Him pull me up out of the reeking pile of rubble I'm sitting in as I wait impatiently for "my life to change." This is a job that will make me feel useful and like I am making a difference. I'll get to care for children with special needs, and help families who need the rest I have been taking for granted. I think God is telling me that I need step out of the pride that tells me that my worth is there, and not here, alone in my apartment with my God. He is asking me to find peace and rest and assurance and companionship with Him. Only Him. He says, "Come here, I will satisfy you. Just take my hand and sit with Me for while."
So He gives me this incredible offer to be with Him and have everything I need. But what do I do? I seek peace in the "outward things." I clean, I set up the apartment, I sleep in, I call family and friends who live far away, I play video games, I read, I watch tv shows (homework free!) with my husband, and I keep worrying about what I'll do tomorrow and where the money will come from and how I'll ever make a difference in people's lives if I don't ever leave my apartment. I begin to doubt that I am qualified for this job. My body is rested, but my soul is restless, and I know I wasn't made to be like this.
I forget that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He has all things safely in His hands. ALL things.
And He wants to be the love of my life, the One who satisfies me completely, whether I have all worldly things I desire or nothing at all... He wants me. He is the One who holds me together, who knows what is in store for me, and who created me to make a difference in this world... in His way, in His timing.
In Christ, there is no room for worry, stress, restlessness, and impatience. There is only room for trust, love, relationship, peace, joy... and so, so much more. In the midst of confusion and restlessness, he brings unexplainable peace and joy. What. A. Savior.
Please, take a note from me and act now. Spend time with Jesus. Don't let the foxes in the vineyard steal your joy.
[Here's one of my favorite songs by Audrey Assad]:
Restless by Audrey Assad
