Living a Life of Worship

Do you ever go to a worship service and feel like you're just beginning to get really into it when suddenly it ends? When that happens to me I just stand there and think, "Hey worship band! I wasn't ready to stop yet! Keep going!" But I never actually say that, and they never actually keep going. It's disappointing isn't it? I'm all for listening to sermons and getting the Word of God spoken to me and explained to me, and all that is a form of worship. But the singing and the praying during songs and just seeing how God reveals Himself to me and those around me during that time just fills me with so much inspiration. I hate when those moments end because all I want to do in that moment is forever sing to my God how much I love Him and how much I cannot wait to be with Him and praising Him forever.

I have been thinking lately about different ways that people worship to experience God and thank Him for all He has done. Some worship through dance and song, some through scripture reading and analysis, some through prayer, some through art, some through sports, some through their academics, and so much more. The way I worship best is through prayer and writing (hence this blog!). I believe that God has given each and every one of us special "talents" that He made us especially unique in, and I believe that as Christians we should use those God-given talents to our best ability to offer what ever we have up to God, the One who made us. We owe Him everything we are, every breath that we breathe, so I think that the least we can do is to use who we are to worship Him.

Just imagine how incredible it will feel when the only responsibility we have is to stand and worship God all day, every day! Even if we still have to go to school, it will be a form of worship to God. Even if we still have to do homework, it will be a form of worship to God. Everything we do will be an act of worship, praising God and glorifying his name. I cannot wait to spend my every minute of the rest of eternity just giving my everything to God.

Why don't we do that here? We get glimpses of that every so often, but it doesn't stay, does it? Life "gets in the way" of us living for God. At least, that's what we tell ourselves. We make excuses for why we haven't spent time in the Word or in prayer today, and let's face it, none of those are good excuses. Everything we do should be done as an offering to God and with a heart of worship. Worship is more than just singing. Worship means to show reverence and adoration for [God]. How can you show God how much you love, revere, and adore him through the little things you do in your day?

The more we prepare our hearts here to live for God, the more people will see how much we need Him in our lives, and then we will have even more people in heaven praising and worshipping God with us for the rest of eternity. Don't you want to see that? Don't you want every loved one in your life to be with you, worshipping God, for the rest of eternity by your side?

I don't know about you, but that makes me so joyful to think about and I just cannot stop smiling! I don't do a great job of worshipping God in everything I do, but I do want to try and I want to inspire you to strive to do so as well. What better way is there to live than living to please our Creator?

Let this song inspire you as well! :)

I Can Only Imagine - MercyMe

Stomp Out the Dirt & Invite Jesus Over

God is great. Let me just get that out there! It's so overused... yet so incredibly not used enough. Would you agree with me? We say these things so easily: "God is good" or "God is with you" and all those verses we have had memorized since childhood. But how often do you sit back, really look at who God is, breathe it all in, and then let this massive grin fill your face as you truly recognize how amazing our God is? He is awesome!

It is true that God is not always that lovely-dovey God who never lets us get hurt. He does let us get hurt and he does get angry at us. Doesn't He, the God of the universe and the creator of every living thing, have a right to be angry with us when we act like complete idiots who are obsessed with sinful things and temporary gods? I think so! We should be angry at us, too!

The thing is, God told me what to do and I accepted the task. I said yes. I knew when I accepted that it was going to be tough, but I had no idea what He had in store for me. Things have been up and down and all over the place with me and God and what I see Him doing, but I know that I just need to continue to cling on to Him and ask Him to reveal to me what He wants me to see. Except, there was one itty bitty [aka: super massive] issue smack dab in the middle of my heart that was blocking my eyes from seeing what He wanted me to see and doing what He wanted me to do. I like to call this little thing "LIES".

I didn't realize it for a very long time, but there is a lot of dirt in my heart that needs to be cleaned out before I can even begin to think about trying to show other people my heart and Jesus. It took a lot of tears, a lot of my friends calling me out on things, a couple of people very hurt by my actions, a lot of prayer, a $10 concert, and a little bit of a trip through my Sea Tribe story from Senior year to get me to where I am right now. And where am I exactly? Well, I am on the road to freedom. I am on the road paved with victory and surrounded with angels who are rejoicing and cheering me on the whole time I am traveling.

You see, satan is real. And most Christians don't realize the power we have over satan when we have God, and satan uses that to his advantage. He takes us apart piece by piece, weakness by weakness. He works in the smallest details; not just the big ones. He has a pattern. I figured out one of his patterns, one of his moves that he uses on me, and I learned how to overcome that. But then he finds other ways to get to me and destroy the things that I can use to serve God. He picks on other aspects and he disguises them differently. He is a sneaky one, that devil. But God is stronger!

If you know what I am talking about, recognize that satan has a grasp on these aspects of your life and pray them away. Not only that, but pray for God to fill those spaces with Himself, so that satan may not re-enter and take away from you serving God better. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then pray that God would reveal these things to you where satan is holding on and God isn't. Either God has it, or satan has it. Choose God and cut satan off from any and every connection he could have to your life. Pray those away, yell at satan and tell him how horrible and awful he is. Tell him you hate him. Stomp your feet on the ground and squash him. And fill those now empty spaces  with Jesus. Don't let satan back in. He is stronger than we are, but God is stronger even more so than everyone and everything. If God is on our side, who can be against us?

When you know you're on the winning side, you feel victory during the battle. Rejoice in that victory and keep fighting to the end.

God First, Then the Calling.

There is something heavy on my heart today as I write this post, so things may be a little raw. I learn about myself and what God is trying to tell me when I write, so I'm going to take you on this journey with me, and hopefully you can be praying for me and be encouraged or gain some sort of insight from this. I'm not quite sure where it's going to go.

Early last week I felt a strong calling from God to do something. Last week and the week before that was just one of those times when all I could feel was joy from being in God's presence and really seeking Him out (it's an amazing place to be!). On Tuesday night I was at one of the evening services for Holiness Emphasis Week and Steve DeNeff was speaking (an incredible speaker, too!) and it seemed like every other thing he spoke was directed right at me. I remember turning to my roommate Charlotte and telling her, "See, this is what God was saying to me earlier this week! He's talking to me right now!" Little did I know, He wasn't going to stop there. By the end of the service, during the closing prayer, God made it clear that the entire talk was just little warm-ups and that He had something much bigger for me to hear. I think He was just making sure I was listening. I put my head down on my knee and began to pray along with Pastor DeNeff. But before I knew it, the prayer was over... and I couldn't move. God had taken over my body and told me to stay put until I accepted what He had told me to do and talked to someone about it. Talk about intense! God wanted to know if I was serious about following Him.

To keep from writing my entire recent-life story in one blog post, I will just tell you that God asked me to be prepared to step out of my comfort zone when it comes to following Him. I have gotten so comfortable in my relationship with Him to the point where it's so easy to talk about Him and all He is doing with my close friends who are easy to talk to about it all. It's fantastic and important. I'm not shooting that down at all. But He told me this: "I'm proud of you for coming as far as you have. I'm proud of you for drawing nearer to Me. Hold on to what you have there, but in addition to that, I want you to step out of that comfort zone and live for Me there, too." My initial response?

"I'm not ready."

And as soon as that thought came through my head and I said it to God, He shut it down and gave me nothing left to argue. It doesn't matter if I "feel ready"spiritually. It doesn't matter if I'm not reading my Bible enough or praying enough. All that matters when Christ calls me to do something, is that I listen to what He says, obey, and be ready to serve Him wherever He may put me. Have you ever heard the quote that says, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"? That's what He was telling me. He said "Amelia, I have a plan to use you, and if you want me to to use you, you need to stop arguing with me because you're going to lose," and he said, "I can do this without you, but you're my child and I want to give you a chance to do what I created you to do for the kingdom." Wow. He put it on me hard that evening in Hughes Chapel as I sat there absolutely unable to move until I had this conversation with Him.

A lot happened that evening with conversations with friends about God and faith. I went to bed that night feeling so encouraged and energized. I felt that the rest of the week almost. But then I hit a wall. I let my selfishness and my humanity get it the way of God using me. The thing is though, that God's plan will still go through with or without me. It will just not include me and I won't get that wonderful chance to glorify God and love my Savior and His people the way I would have been able to.

To be honest, I am still kind of stuck in that rut of selfishness and misdirection and doubt. And this is where I would like to ask YOU to pray for me. This morning in church, Pastor Basil Hall said, "If God wants you to do something, His plan for you will not change." I want to trust that God's plan for me is as He spoke it to me (and if it's not, that He would speak clearly to me what that is). I want to trust that "he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

I think that the place where I went wrong here started when I tried to go off of what God told me to do... by my own strength, ability, and knowledge. This morning I realized that I need to redirect my path. I need to look to God first, put all that I have and all that I am into seeking God and living for Him  - He is all that matters after all - and THEN Christ will guide me to that place outside of my comfort zone where He has called me to. If I try to separate my relationship with God from the calling God has placed on my life, it's not going to work out. I will only end up failing and feeling miserable in my attempts. God and my calling must be one in the same. They must wrap up in each other and then be the guiding force in my life. God first, then everything else will fall into place as He desires it to be for me.

I am elated to see what God is going to do in this situation that He has slowly shown me pieces of. I made a promise to God to obey, and I want to follow through on that! Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says, "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it." God takes our vows, or promises, very seriously and I want to show Him that I am seriously in love with Him and desire to follow Him with everything I am. Please, pray with me as I go through this. I need your encouragement and love as I seek the path God has for me.

"Don't pray that God would teach you how to love like He loves; pray that He would fill you with Himself and that He would love in and through you. Don't pray that he would teach you to have joy; pray that the living God full of joy would enter into you. Don't pray that He would teach you how to be peaceful; ask for the God of peace, the Prince of peace to infill you. Because if you try to imitate in your own strength, you will be a miserable replica. But if you allow the impartation of Jesus Christ to overtake you, suddenly it all works because it is Him imitating Himself, and He is very good at being God." -Eric Ludy

"New Year" Resolutions

So before we start, I want to say a happy birthday to my blog! Today my blog turned one year old. Thank you to those of you who have read along with me over the course of the last year. I appreciate it so much for all the views and comments and even the silent readers :)

And now, here is my question/challenge for you today:

Are you the same person you were one year ago?

I know I am a bit late on this whole "New Year resolution" thing, but now is when it seems more relevant to me. Now is when I'm thinking about this. To be honest, I'm not really much of a New Year resolution kind of girl, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I am all for striving to become a better person and changing bad habits into good habits or starting something good. My issue with New Year resolutions is more of the timing of it and the "limits" they seem to come with, at least in my mind. Many people take New Year resolutions as an opportunity to become a better person or fix something in their lives, and that is something to be respected. But let's be honest, many of these New Year resolutions fail after not too long, right? I'm guilty of this, too. But I want to look at resolutions in a different light - away from the New Year perspective, away from the excitement of the celebrations and a "fresh start". Why don't we spend every day of the year striving to better ourselves and break those bad habits? 

I assume most, if not all, of you are not that same person you were a year ago. I know I'm not. A lot has changed in a year, for sure. One year ago today I was in Indonesia. Today I am in Wilmore, Kentucky. One year ago today I was a senior at the end of my time in high school. Today I am a freshman at the beginning stages of my time in college. But, there is one thing that I know for certain that has not changed: God wants me just as much today as he wanted me a year ago today. 

That is something I am absolutely sure of, and it keeps me wanting to live for Him. God wants me. God wants me for who I was last year, and He wants me for who I am today. The thing that drives me to keep wanting to become a better person is the fact that God loves me and He wants me and I want nothing more than to please Him by becoming the best I can be for Him. Because Christ loves me, I want to be better. The love of Christ is my motivation. And my "resolution" should be everyday to seek ways to become more like Christ.

I don't want to be the same person tomorrow as I was today. When tomorrow ends, I want to look more like Christ than like Amelia. I want to be less of me and more of Him. Each day offers a new chance for a new resolution. Take the moments that God gives you, for each moment is a gift and a blessing.

God Always Wins.

I just have three words for you: God always wins.

But, if you know me at all, you know that I can't just give you three words and leave it at that. So, here are the rest of my words! :)

The main focus of my week - or rather, the focus God has been redirecting me to every time I even blink in the wrong direction or try to turn away from it, is one of Him reigning over everything in my life. God wants me to give Him everything I have, everything I am, and everyone in my life. Okay, so He may sound clingy, needy, and naggy. It sounds like God is just trying to take over my entire life - nothing is for myself, I don't get to make any of my own decisions, yada yada yada. I know what it may sound like. But who is to say that God doesn't deserve our everything? God has a RIGHT to want all of our everything. It's not even ours to give because everything we have is only a gift from God Himself.

God has been showing me sacrifice, trust, and faith. He has shown me that He has a plan, and that His plan prevails. No matter what course I choose to take by the free will he has selflessly given me, I always fall back onto the path that God has for me. But this is only because I desire his way in my life. It makes a difference when my heart is after God's heart in comparison with when my heart is after the things of the world and my own selfish desires (trust me, I know). Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." It takes effort on my behalf for God to bring me back to Him. I have to want Him to save me and to change me. I have to desire God in order that my heart may be where it needs to be for Him to show me His great plan for me.

God wants us to love Him, but He is not a forceful God and he will not make us do anything that we do not want to do. Isaiah 55: 8 - 9 says, "'My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." God does know what is right for us, and when we give him our lives, He will carry us through it and guide us. God has been showing me His faithfulness in this my whole life, but it has especially stood out as the theme this week for my life. He has shown me this through conversations with friends that repeat with three or four different people. He has shown me through stories in the Bible like when Joseph had a dream that his brothers would bow down to him and the next thing he knows, everything is going wrong for him and it doesn't look like God is going to fulfill the promise (oh, but He does!). And he has shown me that through all my selfish moments where all I want to do is say, "God, I want this done MY way!" But if God were to let me do things my way, my life would be a disaster. It is because God knows me better than I know myself, and it is because God has a better plan for me than I have for myself, that I am thankful that God guides and directs me when I set my heart on Him.

And you know what? I just feel like rejoicing, because what I said in the beginning is true:

GOD ALWAYS WINS.

And I have nothing to fear. 

And that makes me oh so incredibly happy. 

 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"

Jeremiah 29:11

Grow Up or Give Up

There are moments in life that make you decide what you're going to do: either you're going to grow up and try to figure out what you're doing, or you're going to give up and let things tumble down on you. In the last six months, I have had many of those "grow up" moments. Moving back to the States and living in college has changed me. But, I wouldn't trade anything to change my life from how it has been and how it is now.

I saw these ways I have had to grow up when I was much younger. Before I was even nine years old, I had to adapt to living in a completely different country. I spent my whole life up until that point living in a small town in Wisconsin with a lot of my extended family and a house we just built an extension on. In a new country, I had to learn a new language, live in a new house, get used to eating different food, having different scenery, and adapt to an entirely different culture as we were surrounded by Muslims and my school was filled with students from all over the world. When I got near the end of middle school and the start of high school, I had to learn how to grow up without my siblings who were there my whole life up until that point. I had to go from relying on them, finding friends through them, learning from their examples as I saw it lived out, and so much more, to it just being me, Mom, and Dad. That changed my life when they moved out and lived across the ocean in a different country, and I dont know who I would be today if not for that. Not having my siblings right there grew me up. It matured me and forced me out of my comfort zone of having them as fall-backs. It pushed me toward really creating my own place at my school.


The ways I see I have had to grow up faster is especially evident in college. I have to figure out everything finances on my own, I had to apply for jobs without my parents assistance, I have had to figure out how to get my passport renewed and get a new picture (in process of that currently), I have had to figure out what I need to do to get a drivers license in this country (still working on that!), I have had to figure out how to spend my breaks and where to spend them and how to get there, I had to find my own ride across the country to get to college, I had to move in to my dorm without my parents being in the same country and my closest immediate family member being at least 8 hours away. I have had to give up my stubbornness and my need to do things on my own and learn how to let people help me, and how to ask for help day after day after day. It's very humbling, I must say.


 It may sound strange and a little ironic, but one of the biggest things I miss about living with my parents is the freedom that I had to do things for myself. I could drive, I could take public transportation so conveniently, I had parents to help me figure out finance issues when the bank sends my paycheck to the wrong country (Hello TCK life!). It is almost as if living with my parents and being in high school gave me so much more freedom and security than I do now. In college I have to be way more independent, and make my own decisions more intentionally, and I have to spend my money for the food I want to eat, the things I want to do, and no one really stops me or tells me to do anything. In college, I am pretty much under my own awareness now. My parents are still looking out for me and doing what they can to help me and be there for me and continue to raise me, but it's different when they're not involved in every aspect of my life. It's strange that I don't go home and eat dinner with my parents, it's strange that I can't just talk to my mom every evening about what's going on in my life in the same way that I used to, and it's strange that I can't just sit and watch tv with my parents and my dogs.

 The thing is, most of these things I have to do on my own are because there isn't much more option.  Even if my parents tried to help, they really couldn't because they can't see what the options are really like or how Sallie Mae banking works (Asbury people, you know exactly what I mean!). They can't drive me around or take me to the DMV to get my license. And they can't go grocery shopping for me and make me a decent meal when the cafeteria has nothing to offer. I could ask someone to be my "surrogate" parents and baby me through all of this, but how will I ever learn to live on my own and fight my own battles through this?

So many moments in life when I have chosen to grow up and try to do things on my own, I have seen so many blessings and ways that God has provided for me when I am willing to take that extra brave step. If I didn't take those chances, and given up and let things tumble down on me, I would not be where I am today. I would not have survived my transition into America and college. I have grown so much in just my first 6 months in the U.S. since moving back from Indonesia. Living on my "own" has changed me and grown me. It's terrifying, but also exhilarating and I cannot wait to see how far I will come. It's been amazing to see what I can find I am capable of doing, even though I may not have had much (or any) preparation for these things. God is taking care of me, and I am blessed with family who stays close even through the distance. :)

A Tourist In My Own Home

An excerpt from The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

We had crossed the border and the signs of poverty were everywhere. On either side of the road, I saw chains of little villages sprouting here and there, like discarded toys among the rocks, broken mud houses and huts consisting of little more than four wooden poles and a tattered cloth as a roof. I saw children dressed in rags chasing a soccer ball outside the huts...a woman in a brown burqa carried a large clay pot on her shoulder, down a rutted path toward a string of mud houses.
"Strange," I said.
"What?"
"I feel like a tourist in my own country," I said, taking in a goatherd leading a half-dozen emaciated goats along the side of the road.
Farid snickered. Tossed his cigarette. "You still think of this place as your country?"
"I think a part of me always will," I said, more defensively than I had intended.
"After twenty years of living in America," he said, swerving the truck to avoid a pothole the size of a beach ball.
I nodded. "I grew up in Afghanistan."
...
He pointed to an old man dressed in ragged clothes trudging down a dirt path, a large burlap pack filled with scrub grass tied to his back. "That's the real Afghanistan, Agha sahib. That's the Afghanistan I know. You? You've always been a tourist here, you just didn't know it."
                                                                                                                                                                     

I have been reading The Kite Runner for a while now, and I keep spotting cultural things that stand out to me. But nothing has ever stood out to me as intensely as this passage here. The main character, Amir (sometimes called Agha Sahib), returns to Afghanistan, the country he was born and raised in, after having been exiled to America when he was a teenager. In this excerpt he is experiencing reverse culture shock - the same situation I am in now that I am back in America, although it is confusing to me because I spent the first 9 years of my life in America, and the next 9 in Indonesia. I don't know which one is more reverse culture shock at this point. I still can't figure out which country I feel more like a tourist in. And that's what got me. I found myself getting defensive along with Amir. I felt like Farid was telling me that I am a tourist in Indonesia. I felt like Farid was personally trying to convince me that I didn't belong in Indonesia, that it was never my home.

Amir is seeing all of these things about his country - the people, the huts, the roads, the potholes, the goats, etc. Maybe he does not recognize that from when he was there, but I recognize those parts of Indonesia. I don't know if Amir feels the same way I do: that I know it is my home, and I don't want Farid to try to convince me that I never belonged there. Maybe Amir and I are tourists in Afghanistan and Indonesia, but does that mean that we aren't allowed to have felt like it was home while we lived there? Does that null our memories that we made in our countries? It does not. And I guess Farid just doesn't see that. Farid sees Afghanistan the way it has changed since Amir left. Amir is not home in this "new" Afghanistan, but he is still home with his memories there. If I were to go back to Indonesia in the near future, I would likely have a similar experience: it would not be as I left it, as I remembered it, but it would still hold all those memories I made and the life experiences I had there. It doesn't make it less where I once belonged.

I wonder if Amir gets that. I felt as though I got just as defensive (if not more) as Amir did when Farid kept snickering at him. Farid doesn't understand what Amir is going through. And that makes me thankful for the people who can understand what all the other TCKs and I are going through in transition, culture shock, and reverse culture shock. And I am thankful for books that grab at my heart and make me defend "my country", even if I am a tourist in my own home.