God First, Then the Calling.

There is something heavy on my heart today as I write this post, so things may be a little raw. I learn about myself and what God is trying to tell me when I write, so I'm going to take you on this journey with me, and hopefully you can be praying for me and be encouraged or gain some sort of insight from this. I'm not quite sure where it's going to go.

Early last week I felt a strong calling from God to do something. Last week and the week before that was just one of those times when all I could feel was joy from being in God's presence and really seeking Him out (it's an amazing place to be!). On Tuesday night I was at one of the evening services for Holiness Emphasis Week and Steve DeNeff was speaking (an incredible speaker, too!) and it seemed like every other thing he spoke was directed right at me. I remember turning to my roommate Charlotte and telling her, "See, this is what God was saying to me earlier this week! He's talking to me right now!" Little did I know, He wasn't going to stop there. By the end of the service, during the closing prayer, God made it clear that the entire talk was just little warm-ups and that He had something much bigger for me to hear. I think He was just making sure I was listening. I put my head down on my knee and began to pray along with Pastor DeNeff. But before I knew it, the prayer was over... and I couldn't move. God had taken over my body and told me to stay put until I accepted what He had told me to do and talked to someone about it. Talk about intense! God wanted to know if I was serious about following Him.

To keep from writing my entire recent-life story in one blog post, I will just tell you that God asked me to be prepared to step out of my comfort zone when it comes to following Him. I have gotten so comfortable in my relationship with Him to the point where it's so easy to talk about Him and all He is doing with my close friends who are easy to talk to about it all. It's fantastic and important. I'm not shooting that down at all. But He told me this: "I'm proud of you for coming as far as you have. I'm proud of you for drawing nearer to Me. Hold on to what you have there, but in addition to that, I want you to step out of that comfort zone and live for Me there, too." My initial response?

"I'm not ready."

And as soon as that thought came through my head and I said it to God, He shut it down and gave me nothing left to argue. It doesn't matter if I "feel ready"spiritually. It doesn't matter if I'm not reading my Bible enough or praying enough. All that matters when Christ calls me to do something, is that I listen to what He says, obey, and be ready to serve Him wherever He may put me. Have you ever heard the quote that says, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"? That's what He was telling me. He said "Amelia, I have a plan to use you, and if you want me to to use you, you need to stop arguing with me because you're going to lose," and he said, "I can do this without you, but you're my child and I want to give you a chance to do what I created you to do for the kingdom." Wow. He put it on me hard that evening in Hughes Chapel as I sat there absolutely unable to move until I had this conversation with Him.

A lot happened that evening with conversations with friends about God and faith. I went to bed that night feeling so encouraged and energized. I felt that the rest of the week almost. But then I hit a wall. I let my selfishness and my humanity get it the way of God using me. The thing is though, that God's plan will still go through with or without me. It will just not include me and I won't get that wonderful chance to glorify God and love my Savior and His people the way I would have been able to.

To be honest, I am still kind of stuck in that rut of selfishness and misdirection and doubt. And this is where I would like to ask YOU to pray for me. This morning in church, Pastor Basil Hall said, "If God wants you to do something, His plan for you will not change." I want to trust that God's plan for me is as He spoke it to me (and if it's not, that He would speak clearly to me what that is). I want to trust that "he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

I think that the place where I went wrong here started when I tried to go off of what God told me to do... by my own strength, ability, and knowledge. This morning I realized that I need to redirect my path. I need to look to God first, put all that I have and all that I am into seeking God and living for Him  - He is all that matters after all - and THEN Christ will guide me to that place outside of my comfort zone where He has called me to. If I try to separate my relationship with God from the calling God has placed on my life, it's not going to work out. I will only end up failing and feeling miserable in my attempts. God and my calling must be one in the same. They must wrap up in each other and then be the guiding force in my life. God first, then everything else will fall into place as He desires it to be for me.

I am elated to see what God is going to do in this situation that He has slowly shown me pieces of. I made a promise to God to obey, and I want to follow through on that! Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says, "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it." God takes our vows, or promises, very seriously and I want to show Him that I am seriously in love with Him and desire to follow Him with everything I am. Please, pray with me as I go through this. I need your encouragement and love as I seek the path God has for me.

"Don't pray that God would teach you how to love like He loves; pray that He would fill you with Himself and that He would love in and through you. Don't pray that he would teach you to have joy; pray that the living God full of joy would enter into you. Don't pray that He would teach you how to be peaceful; ask for the God of peace, the Prince of peace to infill you. Because if you try to imitate in your own strength, you will be a miserable replica. But if you allow the impartation of Jesus Christ to overtake you, suddenly it all works because it is Him imitating Himself, and He is very good at being God." -Eric Ludy

The Beauty of God's Confirmation

Insecure. Unsure. Lost. Panicked. Hopeless. Lowering my standards. Giving up. 
That was me for a while.
At the end of my Junior year of high school, I had absolutely no school I felt God was calling me to, I had a possible major in mind but it was going to be something I would have to settle for instead of being excited about majoring in, and I eventually just lost all desire to even go to school. I still had to get through senior year, but I almost saw hope in it knowing that I would probably be taking a gap year after that was over with. My attitude was not in the right place, but I honestly felt that was what I was to do. 
In fact, I became so convinced that "college wasn't for me" that I gave a speech in my mother's speech class on "Why College Isn't For Everyone". (By the way, my mom was supporting me in what ever decision I was going to make and I thank her for that!). 

The summer before my senior year, after I had already "given up" on seeking out a college, I found a school I thought was the "one" for me, and I got my hopes up again. But, God was not answering the prayers about that school the way that I selfishly wanted Him to. Shortly after that, I wrote in my journal, "I can't let this school become an idol or something that I love more than I love God. I'm getting more attached. Lord, guide me in the direction I should go. I want it badly, but take that want away if it's not of you." And He heard my prayer, and He worked in His awesome ways that He does. 

In the next entry I wrote, "For the first time... I prayed about college...I'm unsure...about a lot. I prayed that God would give me a clear sign what to major in, where to go, etc. I prayed that if this school isn't the place for me (even though it won't be easy) that God will give me the peace to let it go and trust that He has greater plans in store for me..." The beauty of God's confirmation began to show it's incredibly wonderful face then. The next day, he brought me a complete stranger who told me what to major in, and I responded with this: "It's all in God's hands, His miraculous plan. I only need to go where He leads me."

Later that same summer, God gave me my cousin's husband, Jason, to tell me about PR as well, and he convinced me to call and ask about Asbury University. I called the next day, and I was in love with the school. I had spent years and loads of energy looking for a school up until this point, and it wasn't until a simple phone call with a graduate from Asbury that I felt that instant call to go there. God told me from that phone call that He was going to send me to Asbury, and that has not changed since. He gave me instant confirmation - the first and only time I have ever felt His calling so clearly and intensely.

Moment after moment after moment, God has continued to light my path in this direction that He is taking me. He could not make it more obvious! (Well, He could, but you know what I mean, right?). I have so much more I could write about how he brought me to Asbury to major in Public Relations, but then you would be reading my blog for days. If you ever want to hear the details of it, just ask me (or maybe I will eventually write a post completely dedicated to it.) But I cannot tell you all enough times just how obviously about God this entire adventure to get me here has been. I told Him that I trusted Him with my future, and He showed me His faithfulness and goodness, and in such abundance! 

This is where God wanted me to be. He made it clear over a year ago when He showed me this school, throughout all of last year when He continuously told me and confirmed for me that this is where I need to be, and every. single. day. that I have spent here. I feel so blessed beyond what I could have imagined. I see Him here every day working in my life and the lives of those around me, and I cannot wait to see what else He does while I am here. It feels so great to know that I am where He wants me to be. I followed Christ this time, and it was worth it all. 

And now I can say with a joyful heart that I am... Secure. Certain. Home. Relaxed. Hopeful. Striving for God's standards. And ready for whatever may come my way.


p.s. My beautiful suite mate, Charlotte, came in here while I was writing and wanted to leave you all a message:  "hi I love Amelia!!!"

It just shows you a little glimpse of how awesome this community is :) 

Opportunities & Obedience

I have learned a lot about myself and my "methods". You see, if I don't want to do something, I have a tendency to become stubborn about it. I may choose to not do it at all, or I'll do minimally what I need to do. Not one of my better qualities ;). But, let me tell you, God has helped me to overcome my stubbornness seventy times seventy times, and still more so. He is relentless in His plan for making me a better follower of Christ. And for that, I am overflowing with joy! What joy it is to know that someone desires to help you become a better person! When you tell someone "I want to change. I want to throw away the dirt in my life and be clean," you are probably telling them because you want accountability and encouragement, right? Well, accountability is what I've got :)

I'm telling you all this because my stubbornness has been playing a part in very specific areas of my life right now. A theme that God has placed in my life the last month so or has been a strong one of obedience. Obedience when it's easy, and obedience when it's tough. And I promise you, He's given me a lot of both opportunities.
To me, obedience to God is an opportunity to grow in faith, to live out my life for Him, and to become just a better person overall. The struggle with obedience is that when the hard tests come, all I really want to do is sit there with my arms crossed and a pout on my face. But, I asked for it. Really, I did. But that's not a bad thing :)

Prayer is a powerful thing. If you ask God for something, make sure that you're really prepared for what you're asking for. I asked God for opportunities, and he gave me them but not always in the forms that I expected. I wasn't ready, I backed out, and I lost potentially wonderful opportunities to spread Christ's perfect love. So I prayed again, Lord give me another opportunity, and the strength to take it. Lo and behold, another opportunity came. This was one that initially made me want to be stubborn. But God calmed me down and pushed me forwards face first into something I didn't want to do. And I believe it glorified His name. Even in my deepest desire to be stubborn and not take what I asked for, God took control and made it beautiful. Made me beautiful.

Obeying is tough, especially when you're as hard-headed as I can be sometimes. But I cannot think of a time when it didn't turn out well.

So, I want to challenge you: Ask God to give you an opportunity to do something that you really don't want to do, and for the strength and wisdom to do it for His glory.