An excerpt from The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
We had crossed the border and the signs of poverty were everywhere. On either side of the road, I saw chains of little villages sprouting here and there, like discarded toys among the rocks, broken mud houses and huts consisting of little more than four wooden poles and a tattered cloth as a roof. I saw children dressed in rags chasing a soccer ball outside the huts...a woman in a brown burqa carried a large clay pot on her shoulder, down a rutted path toward a string of mud houses.
"Strange," I said.
"What?"
"I feel like a tourist in my own country," I said, taking in a goatherd leading a half-dozen emaciated goats along the side of the road.
Farid snickered. Tossed his cigarette. "You still think of this place as your country?"
"I think a part of me always will," I said, more defensively than I had intended.
"After twenty years of living in America," he said, swerving the truck to avoid a pothole the size of a beach ball.
I nodded. "I grew up in Afghanistan."
...
He pointed to an old man dressed in ragged clothes trudging down a dirt path, a large burlap pack filled with scrub grass tied to his back. "That's the real Afghanistan, Agha sahib. That's the Afghanistan I know. You? You've always been a tourist here, you just didn't know it."
I have been reading The Kite Runner for a while now, and I keep spotting cultural things that stand out to me. But nothing has ever stood out to me as intensely as this passage here. The main character, Amir (sometimes called Agha Sahib), returns to Afghanistan, the country he was born and raised in, after having been exiled to America when he was a teenager. In this excerpt he is experiencing reverse culture shock - the same situation I am in now that I am back in America, although it is confusing to me because I spent the first 9 years of my life in America, and the next 9 in Indonesia. I don't know which one is more reverse culture shock at this point. I still can't figure out which country I feel more like a tourist in. And that's what got me. I found myself getting defensive along with Amir. I felt like Farid was telling me that I am a tourist in Indonesia. I felt like Farid was personally trying to convince me that I didn't belong in Indonesia, that it was never my home.
Amir is seeing all of these things about his country - the people, the huts, the roads, the potholes, the goats, etc. Maybe he does not recognize that from when he was there, but I recognize those parts of Indonesia. I don't know if Amir feels the same way I do: that I know it is my home, and I don't want Farid to try to convince me that I never belonged there. Maybe Amir and I are tourists in Afghanistan and Indonesia, but does that mean that we aren't allowed to have felt like it was home while we lived there? Does that null our memories that we made in our countries? It does not. And I guess Farid just doesn't see that. Farid sees Afghanistan the way it has changed since Amir left. Amir is not home in this "new" Afghanistan, but he is still home with his memories there. If I were to go back to Indonesia in the near future, I would likely have a similar experience: it would not be as I left it, as I remembered it, but it would still hold all those memories I made and the life experiences I had there. It doesn't make it less where I once belonged.
I wonder if Amir gets that. I felt as though I got just as defensive (if not more) as Amir did when Farid kept snickering at him. Farid doesn't understand what Amir is going through. And that makes me thankful for the people who can understand what all the other TCKs and I are going through in transition, culture shock, and reverse culture shock. And I am thankful for books that grab at my heart and make me defend "my country", even if I am a tourist in my own home.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Can College be Home?
Isn't it interesting how easily we can go through life without really thinking about it? It is to me, at least. I almost laugh at myself for just slipping into college life and new country transition so smoothly. Not an "oh that's hilarious" laugh, but more of an "I just caught myself completely off guard" laugh. I didn't expect my transition to be this "simple", I guess I could say. I have been in college for a little over two months now, and it feels so natural.
This past weekend we got Friday off for Fall Break - or as some of my friends are calling it, "Fall Pause". I left campus Thursday afternoon with two other girls and we drove to Louisville. This was my first time off campus over night, and, as much as I love Asbury, I was excited to be away for a bit and get a taste of what it would be like. We had a lovely drive there. I spent Thursday evening until Sunday afternoon at the McKinley's house in Louisville (and for those of you who don't know who they are, they are a family I know from Indonesia who have pretty much become my adopted second family). The best part was that I got there, and even though it was a pretty much foreign zone to be in, the family was not foreign to me. I was comfortable, I pretty much knew what was expected of me, I understood the boundaries, and it was a weekend of familiarity (to an extent). It was relaxing to be with people who knew Indonesia, who I could speak in Bahasa with, and talk of my high school with. The weirdest part of seeing them all now was that I was talking of people from Asbury - people they wouldn't even know of unless I mentioned them - and I was speaking of a life that I currently lived in but that they were not specifically familiar with. I have become so accustomed to them knowing who and what I was talking about.
Another aspect that caught me off guard about my weekend away from my Asbury world and into my "Indo world" was that it was weird to process that both exist at the same time. When I returned back to campus on Sunday evening, it felt like nothing had even changed. It felt like Asbury world paused and was just waiting to resume once I came back. Within two hours of being back on campus and doing tons of laundry, I was back into my same routine. Wait a second... routine? Did I just say that I have a routine here? Do I have familiarity here? Do I feel comfortable here? And that is when I began to laugh at myself. I had not realized just how much I had gotten involved in my life at Asbury. I was excited to see my own bed again and I smiled when I looked at the wall next to my desk and saw pictures of my friends and family that I love. When I got out of bed on Monday for my 8am class, I walked into the bathroom to shower and I suddenly found myself thinking, "I feel like I'm home".
I cannot remember the last time I was able to say that and mean it. The thing is, I did not even have to force myself to come to that conclusion - it was just natural. Calling Asbury "home" makes sense, though. I realize that if I were to go back to Indonesia, it would not be as I knew it. I don't have family there anymore, I don't have a house, I don't have pets there, and all my friends (except for a select couple) are no longer there. I certainly want to go back someday, but I also realize it wouldn't feel the same way it did before - it's not home-y. My parents currently live in Peru, a country I have never even seen and with people I don't know. I could visit them - and want to - but it wouldn't be home. My siblings are in Wisconsin and Texas, two states very far away from Kentucky, and I don't feel at home there either. It's not what I know.
The closest step I have to home is Asbury. Though it is temporary - and may not even be for four years - it is the only thing I can cling to on earth right now that I can call "home". Asbury is my community, and I am happy to call it home for as long as God puts me here. I am thankful that He gave me somewhere to be excited to return to, and the opportunity to love somewhere as wonderful as this place. It is changing me, and I am going through transition on so many different levels, but I know that having this Asbury community is helping me to glide through it with ease and a genuine smile on my face. Trials will come, home is only temporary, but God remains and He knows where I'm going to next. I'm just along for the ride that He is sending me on and trying to take in what He wants to show me. I only know that my last destination will be my permanent home in Heaven, and I am elated to call that my Home.
This past weekend we got Friday off for Fall Break - or as some of my friends are calling it, "Fall Pause". I left campus Thursday afternoon with two other girls and we drove to Louisville. This was my first time off campus over night, and, as much as I love Asbury, I was excited to be away for a bit and get a taste of what it would be like. We had a lovely drive there. I spent Thursday evening until Sunday afternoon at the McKinley's house in Louisville (and for those of you who don't know who they are, they are a family I know from Indonesia who have pretty much become my adopted second family). The best part was that I got there, and even though it was a pretty much foreign zone to be in, the family was not foreign to me. I was comfortable, I pretty much knew what was expected of me, I understood the boundaries, and it was a weekend of familiarity (to an extent). It was relaxing to be with people who knew Indonesia, who I could speak in Bahasa with, and talk of my high school with. The weirdest part of seeing them all now was that I was talking of people from Asbury - people they wouldn't even know of unless I mentioned them - and I was speaking of a life that I currently lived in but that they were not specifically familiar with. I have become so accustomed to them knowing who and what I was talking about.
Another aspect that caught me off guard about my weekend away from my Asbury world and into my "Indo world" was that it was weird to process that both exist at the same time. When I returned back to campus on Sunday evening, it felt like nothing had even changed. It felt like Asbury world paused and was just waiting to resume once I came back. Within two hours of being back on campus and doing tons of laundry, I was back into my same routine. Wait a second... routine? Did I just say that I have a routine here? Do I have familiarity here? Do I feel comfortable here? And that is when I began to laugh at myself. I had not realized just how much I had gotten involved in my life at Asbury. I was excited to see my own bed again and I smiled when I looked at the wall next to my desk and saw pictures of my friends and family that I love. When I got out of bed on Monday for my 8am class, I walked into the bathroom to shower and I suddenly found myself thinking, "I feel like I'm home".
I cannot remember the last time I was able to say that and mean it. The thing is, I did not even have to force myself to come to that conclusion - it was just natural. Calling Asbury "home" makes sense, though. I realize that if I were to go back to Indonesia, it would not be as I knew it. I don't have family there anymore, I don't have a house, I don't have pets there, and all my friends (except for a select couple) are no longer there. I certainly want to go back someday, but I also realize it wouldn't feel the same way it did before - it's not home-y. My parents currently live in Peru, a country I have never even seen and with people I don't know. I could visit them - and want to - but it wouldn't be home. My siblings are in Wisconsin and Texas, two states very far away from Kentucky, and I don't feel at home there either. It's not what I know.
The closest step I have to home is Asbury. Though it is temporary - and may not even be for four years - it is the only thing I can cling to on earth right now that I can call "home". Asbury is my community, and I am happy to call it home for as long as God puts me here. I am thankful that He gave me somewhere to be excited to return to, and the opportunity to love somewhere as wonderful as this place. It is changing me, and I am going through transition on so many different levels, but I know that having this Asbury community is helping me to glide through it with ease and a genuine smile on my face. Trials will come, home is only temporary, but God remains and He knows where I'm going to next. I'm just along for the ride that He is sending me on and trying to take in what He wants to show me. I only know that my last destination will be my permanent home in Heaven, and I am elated to call that my Home.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Smile! You're Alive!
I was just walking back to my dorm and I heard a man in the parking lot yell out, "Hello, young lady! Smile! You're alive!" and even though he wasn't saying it directly to me, I took it to heart and he certainly made me smile. It is people like him at the most seemingly random moments who can change someone's mood, even if it just lasts for a moment.
If there is one thing that makes me angry with myself, it is the fact that I will go an entire day doing meaningless, empty things. Ever since I can remember, this has triggered me. I catch myself every time I am not doing anything meaningful, and I sit there and say "Wow, I really ought to get up and do what God made me to do", and far too often I don't move. I have numerous excuses that I come up with, and I could share them with you, but that would only be embarrassing because frankly, none of them are good enough reasons. There is no good reason for me to be wasting my life. In fact, it's not even my life. The life I have, the breath I breathe, the words I am able to speak, everything I have, and all the people I know are all because of God and His goodness and mercy. I do not deserve a sliver of what I have. I do not deserve to breathe. But God, in his great mercy, sent his son down to earth to die for me, so that I may live, and it says so in 2 Corinthians 5:15, "And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again". Who am I living for? Myself? My friends? Or my God?
Do you ever wonder how those who see how you live would answer this question about you?
One of my favorite things about Asbury and being in a brand new place with a brand new start is that I get to make my own place in a community again. I didn't arrive branded with any labels. There were no expectations, which meant that I got to set the bar for myself, and there was nothing tying me down. Being here has given me the chance to decide who I want people to see me as and I have worked to make sure that people see me as I truly am. And I only hope I have been able to spark some sort of inspiration in others to be genuine, too. I can honestly say that I have never been more me in my life, and it feels incredible. God has shown me what he can do with someone who lives the way he created them to be. Why do we hide who we are? Why do we let standards be set for us by others? Why don't we let God set the standards and open the doors for us to be who he made us to be?
I have chosen to be vulnerable, open, honest, and willing. I have chosen to place my identity in God alone and to trust that he will not abandon me or let me down in my vulnerability. And he has given me so many blessings within all of that. In my willingness to live openly and vulnerably, God has given me opportunities to bless others, opportunities to change myself to be a better person, opportunities to speak up, opportunities to get more than I expected, and he has given me love. He has shown me so much love, both in what I have been able to give and what others have given me.
I am blown away by God's goodness. Through this he has inspired me to do so much more than I ever thought I would be able to do. But in all of his goodness, I find myself forgetting how wonderful he is and how fulfilling it is to live for him so freely and openly. I sink into those days of doing nothing with my life, and I waste the time he has blessed me with. I don't feel the same love on those days, and I don't feel the same passion and inspiration on those days. When I choose to be lazy and apathetic, I don't see Gods goodness in the same way, and I don't feel his presence in the every day things. It doesn't mean he is not there, it's just that I am just not doing my part. God doesn't need me to fulfill his plans, but he will use me if I am willing to be used by him. And I want to be used by him, because nothing feels greater than knowing I am living for God, and nothing fills me with more satisfaction.
So, I want to leave ya'll (I am slowly giving in to the Kentucky vocabulary) with a couple of quotes that inspire me to live out the way I desire to, and I hope they will strike something in you as well.
"No matter where you are in life right now, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are – it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.” – Esther & Jerry Hicks
And one of my favorites:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive.” – Howard Thurman
So come alive and don't get so caught up in the busy chaos of life that you forget to smile because guess what...you're alive! You don't know how many hours you have left to inspire people or remind someone of what God has done. Let's not take the gift of life for granted :)
If there is one thing that makes me angry with myself, it is the fact that I will go an entire day doing meaningless, empty things. Ever since I can remember, this has triggered me. I catch myself every time I am not doing anything meaningful, and I sit there and say "Wow, I really ought to get up and do what God made me to do", and far too often I don't move. I have numerous excuses that I come up with, and I could share them with you, but that would only be embarrassing because frankly, none of them are good enough reasons. There is no good reason for me to be wasting my life. In fact, it's not even my life. The life I have, the breath I breathe, the words I am able to speak, everything I have, and all the people I know are all because of God and His goodness and mercy. I do not deserve a sliver of what I have. I do not deserve to breathe. But God, in his great mercy, sent his son down to earth to die for me, so that I may live, and it says so in 2 Corinthians 5:15, "And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again". Who am I living for? Myself? My friends? Or my God?
Do you ever wonder how those who see how you live would answer this question about you?
One of my favorite things about Asbury and being in a brand new place with a brand new start is that I get to make my own place in a community again. I didn't arrive branded with any labels. There were no expectations, which meant that I got to set the bar for myself, and there was nothing tying me down. Being here has given me the chance to decide who I want people to see me as and I have worked to make sure that people see me as I truly am. And I only hope I have been able to spark some sort of inspiration in others to be genuine, too. I can honestly say that I have never been more me in my life, and it feels incredible. God has shown me what he can do with someone who lives the way he created them to be. Why do we hide who we are? Why do we let standards be set for us by others? Why don't we let God set the standards and open the doors for us to be who he made us to be?
I have chosen to be vulnerable, open, honest, and willing. I have chosen to place my identity in God alone and to trust that he will not abandon me or let me down in my vulnerability. And he has given me so many blessings within all of that. In my willingness to live openly and vulnerably, God has given me opportunities to bless others, opportunities to change myself to be a better person, opportunities to speak up, opportunities to get more than I expected, and he has given me love. He has shown me so much love, both in what I have been able to give and what others have given me.
I am blown away by God's goodness. Through this he has inspired me to do so much more than I ever thought I would be able to do. But in all of his goodness, I find myself forgetting how wonderful he is and how fulfilling it is to live for him so freely and openly. I sink into those days of doing nothing with my life, and I waste the time he has blessed me with. I don't feel the same love on those days, and I don't feel the same passion and inspiration on those days. When I choose to be lazy and apathetic, I don't see Gods goodness in the same way, and I don't feel his presence in the every day things. It doesn't mean he is not there, it's just that I am just not doing my part. God doesn't need me to fulfill his plans, but he will use me if I am willing to be used by him. And I want to be used by him, because nothing feels greater than knowing I am living for God, and nothing fills me with more satisfaction.
So, I want to leave ya'll (I am slowly giving in to the Kentucky vocabulary) with a couple of quotes that inspire me to live out the way I desire to, and I hope they will strike something in you as well.
"No matter where you are in life right now, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are – it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.” – Esther & Jerry Hicks
And one of my favorites:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive.” – Howard Thurman
So come alive and don't get so caught up in the busy chaos of life that you forget to smile because guess what...you're alive! You don't know how many hours you have left to inspire people or remind someone of what God has done. Let's not take the gift of life for granted :)
Monday, October 8, 2012
Death Will Not Stop God's Work.
October 6, 2012: A brother, a son, a grandson, an uncle, a friend, a student, and so much more - all in one person- is gone in the blink of an eye. And lives are changed forever.
On Saturday afternoon, one of Asbury's very own students, Jeff McMillan, collapsed on the soccer field and passed away. It was unexpected and a shock to everyone in the community and those who knew him. Even though I never met him, I can feel the effect he had and is continuing to have on Asbury's community. This morning our chapel service was dedicated to Jeff and I felt I got a chance to meet him - something I will never get to do on this earth. He left an impact and that is not difficult to see. Jeff is an inspiration to me, and I wanted to do something special for him, so I wrote this:
Jeff, I didn’t know you, but I know you made an impact on this world – our community especially. You will be missed. You have changed my mindset and I will be praying for the lives you have touched. I woke up Sunday morning thinking of your life and your sudden death. I have never had someone that I really know die, so you are the closest I have had. The ways that people are responding are just proof that you lived a life that was good. You are with Jesus and I can’t help but imagine how perfect that must feel right now. I can’t stop thinking about your death. Did you wake up Saturday morning knowing that you were going to see Jesus in just a few hours? Did you have any idea? Were you "prepared"?
Death is so sudden. Life seems so short. And what was I doing when I heard the news that you died? I honestly don't want to say. I did so little that day that was worthy of God’s name. I did nothing to go out of my way to love or serve anybody. I don’t want to die doing something so meaningless. I don't want to approach the day of my death thinking "oh.. someday I will be that better person, someday I will serve God as I know I should, but I'm just tired today or I'm just not ready to let go of those things yet today". I don’t know when it will come, but I can try my best to live a life that I will be proud of leaving behind as my legacy.
Rest in peace, Jeff. I pray that your life and death will leave a lasting imprint on our community and all of the lives you have touched and will continue to touch. I pray that we will not forget you. You may be gone, but your story will still go on as your legacy. Thank you for touching my life Jeff. I didn't even have to know you to be touched by you. Your life was powerful and death will not stop God from using you.
Sincerely,
Amelia
http://www.asbury.edu/news-events/news/2012/10/06/17266#.UHInRIbpLNM.facebook
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)