I think the moment you can truly realize that a bad relationship had something good about it, is the moment when you can see it bring something good from it. When you can learn something about yourself, life, love, or all of the above, through that past relationship, I believe you have taken a step in allowing pain and the shattered glass pieces in your heart turn into a beautiful new creation; a heart in the process of being repaired. If you can learn something now, because of something before, you have done something right in the process.
A painful memory, a painful relationship (and I mean romantic or just friendships) should not be something that shuts doors in your heart and your life. I know that is probably the first thing you want to do when you're hurt. I know it is the first thing I want to do when I get hurt. I admit I have done it many times, with many doors, with many relationships. But what good does shutting that door actually do for you? Does it keep out the pain? Sure. Does it stop others from being able to get in and hurt you again? Sure. Does it protect you from ever feeling that horrible feeling again? Sure. It seems like a sure-fire way to stay away from pain, away from feelings, and away from being vulnerable, right? But does shutting doors and putting up walls also keep you from love? Absolutely. Does it keep you from having relationships that benefit and heal you? Absolutely. Does it keep you from being able to fully love others? Absolutely.
The point I am trying to get at here is that pain is horrible, but it is worth it if you handle it properly.
Heartache and pain are real and they need careful attention. Closing your eyes to a bad situation does not make it go away. Ignoring the fact that something or someone hurt you, does not make it all better. Pain needs to be accepted and it needs to be tenderly cared for.
I sincerely believe that when we accept the fact that we have been hurt, betrayed, toyed with, abused, struck down, or stabbed in the back is when we can truly begin to understand the purpose that pain holds in our lives. Do you hear that? Pain has a purpose. Pain does not exist to merely "ruin our lives" or make us miserable. Romans 5:3-4 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." That could not be more true. God carries us through painful suffering so that we can produce perseverance, character, and hope. He brings us through this pain so that we can become better people with better hope.
I have been hearing a lot of stories from friends and going through a lot of personal revelations lately with this in mind. In the moment of its origin, pain seems utterly useless, but when you can accept the pain, offer it up to God, and try to allow it to have its way through your life, pain can really have a wonderful outcome. Pain has made me the strongest in certain areas of my life where I am so thankful I am strong in. There have been a lot of relationships in my life where I have experienced "person-hurt" and there have been deep wounds that have affected a lot of my future decisions and relationships. I did not understand it at the time, but those wounds would slowly fill up with flowers. Allowing myself to talk about these wounds and the pain I felt, has allowed me to process what went on and to see myself and my actions in a different perspective. In this, I have found new understanding to my reactions to certain personalities and situations. Most recently, I have seen where I fear, and now understand why. And suddenly those painful memories don't seem as useless as they once felt.
I hope that my words make sense to someone reading this. And I pray that my readers would be able to grasp what I have begun to learn: that pain is not useless, and, when treated and understood properly, can even grow flowers where things were once completely dried up and closed off from the sun.
