Insecure. Unsure. Lost. Panicked. Hopeless. Lowering my standards. Giving up.
That was me for a while.
At the end of my Junior year of high school, I had absolutely no school I felt God was calling me to, I had a possible major in mind but it was going to be something I would have to settle for instead of being excited about majoring in, and I eventually just lost all desire to even go to school. I still had to get through senior year, but I almost saw hope in it knowing that I would probably be taking a gap year after that was over with. My attitude was not in the right place, but I honestly felt that was what I was to do.
In fact, I became so convinced that "college wasn't for me" that I gave a speech in my mother's speech class on "Why College Isn't For Everyone". (By the way, my mom was supporting me in what ever decision I was going to make and I thank her for that!).
The summer before my senior year, after I had already "given up" on seeking out a college, I found a school I thought was the "one" for me, and I got my hopes up again. But, God was not answering the prayers about that school the way that I selfishly wanted Him to. Shortly after that, I wrote in my journal, "I can't let this school become an idol or something that I love more than I love God. I'm getting more attached. Lord, guide me in the direction I should go. I want it badly, but take that want away if it's not of you." And He heard my prayer, and He worked in His awesome ways that He does.
In the next entry I wrote, "For the first time... I prayed about college...I'm unsure...about a lot. I prayed that God would give me a clear sign what to major in, where to go, etc. I prayed that if this school isn't the place for me (even though it won't be easy) that God will give me the peace to let it go and trust that He has greater plans in store for me..." The beauty of God's confirmation began to show it's incredibly wonderful face then. The next day, he brought me a complete stranger who told me what to major in, and I responded with this: "It's all in God's hands, His miraculous plan. I only need to go where He leads me."
Later that same summer, God gave me my cousin's husband, Jason, to tell me about PR as well, and he convinced me to call and ask about Asbury University. I called the next day, and I was in love with the school. I had spent years and loads of energy looking for a school up until this point, and it wasn't until a simple phone call with a graduate from Asbury that I felt that instant call to go there. God told me from that phone call that He was going to send me to Asbury, and that has not changed since. He gave me instant confirmation - the first and only time I have ever felt His calling so clearly and intensely.
Moment after moment after moment, God has continued to light my path in this direction that He is taking me. He could not make it more obvious! (Well, He could, but you know what I mean, right?). I have so much more I could write about how he brought me to Asbury to major in Public Relations, but then you would be reading my blog for days. If you ever want to hear the details of it, just ask me (or maybe I will eventually write a post completely dedicated to it.) But I cannot tell you all enough times just how obviously about God this entire adventure to get me here has been. I told Him that I trusted Him with my future, and He showed me His faithfulness and goodness, and in such abundance!
This is where God wanted me to be. He made it clear over a year ago when He showed me this school, throughout all of last year when He continuously told me and confirmed for me that this is where I need to be, and every. single. day. that I have spent here. I feel so blessed beyond what I could have imagined. I see Him here every day working in my life and the lives of those around me, and I cannot wait to see what else He does while I am here. It feels so great to know that I am where He wants me to be. I followed Christ this time, and it was worth it all.
And now I can say with a joyful heart that I am... Secure. Certain. Home. Relaxed. Hopeful. Striving for God's standards. And ready for whatever may come my way.
p.s. My beautiful suite mate, Charlotte, came in here while I was writing and wanted to leave you all a message: "hi I love Amelia!!!"
It just shows you a little glimpse of how awesome this community is :)
